It's Kind of a Funny Story
by Nataloo18
Summary: After witnessing just how much of a jerk her ex-almost-fiance, Bella is sad and lonely with her only real comfort being Ben&Jerry's ice cream and Comedy Central. What will she do when Rosalie and Emmett force her into a night out on the town?
1. Chapter 1

**Hello there, folks. I don't have much to say soo let me just say this and you can get on with your reading. 1: I own nothing….literally. The opening line belongs to Ron White, the title is also the title of a book called It's Kind of A Funny Story by Ned Vizzini (I suggest you go read it; it's AMAZING!), and obviously all the characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. 2: I lied about owning nothing. The plot is mine.**

**Anyway, that's all. Enjoy:)**

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SpunkyPeanut

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**BPOV**

"….It wasn't just about that, but it was about NASA and how they're just not as thorough as you'd think they would be and they're always backing up and covering up their tracks – which, they are. I guess, because they're letting so many women into outer space, they've just allotted ten million dollars to see if there are any dangers in a woman suffering from PMS to have her menstrual cycle in zero gravity. I'm like hell yeah, there's dangers! In a weightless environment the psycho bitches can _fly_!" Laughter.

I think briefly about Rosalie being in outer space and admit I must agree. I would have nightmares about Rose on her period in zero gravity. I shudder as I shovel another spoon full of Ben & Jerry's Chocolate Fudge Brownie.

That would be Ron White…. Yes, the comedian. He and all of his other comedian friends have become my only source of enjoyment lately. Do they realize that they are all I've got to take my mind off of my heartbreak? Doubt it. They're just funny as hell. Besides that, the only other reason I watch them is because Jacob hated them. All he would ever watch was football, baseball (but, only if Seattle or Washington played) and South Park… and also porn. I hate all that shit.

I sighed. _Again with the Jacob thinking. What the fuck is wrong with you, Bella?_ My inner voice – that I had named Flo – said to me angrily as I shoved another spoonful of B&J into my mouth violently. Ouch. Not doing that again. The spoon nearly took my tooth out.

_Forget Jacob. He's a dick. He treated you wrong and now you're heartbroken_, my inner voice told me. Easier said than done, I thought listlessly.

There was a loud banging sound at my door and then a shill voice. "Jesus fucking Christ, Bella. If you don't open the goddamn door, I will have Emmett break it down so I can beat your scrawny ass!"

Rosalie… must be Tuesday if she was angry. Tuesdays are when Rosalie has that douche monster, Mike, come into her store and hit on her. I bet the little prick didn't even like reading – but, then again, you wouldn't think Rose would with just one look at her, yet the beautiful bitch owns a book store that's always stocked with the most amazing books. It was my sanctuary. _Was_ being the key word there.

"Hello, doll face. How are you today?" I asked flatly as I opened to door to Emmett and Rose's faces.

Rose pushed me out of the way and flopped down on my couch. Then, the bitch started eating my ice cream. Oh, it was on now.

"Hey, Bells. How've you been?" Emmett asked quietly defusing my anger for the moment.

He had always been like a brother to me and even with all my problems at the moment, I couldn't be mad at him.

"Same old, same old, Emmett." I muttered and flopped down on the couch next to Rosalie. I jerked the ice cream and spoon out of her hand and held it close to me. I imagined I looked somewhat like that thing in Lord of the Rings…. You know the one that's always saying "My precious." I felt like saying that now, just to add in cliché.

I heard him mutter something and then abruptly took my spoon and ice cream away from me. "Hey!" I protested when he walked over to my window, opened it, and proceeded to throw the ice cream and spoon out it.

"What the fuck, Emmett? Do you want to die tonight?!" I yelled outraged.

"We are staging an intervention, Bella." Emmett said walking back over to us. At least the bastard had enough sense to not get close to me.

Rosalie turned off the TV and said "Yeah, Bella, we're worried about you."

"I'm fine." I said angrily. No more ice cream and now no more Ron White. Did they really want me to start crying?

"You're not fine." Rose said crossing her arms over her chest. "You've been like this for a month now. Watching Comedy Central and eating Ben & Jerry's isn't going to make Jacob suddenly become the nice guy you deserve. So get the fuck over him and come out with us and get drunk. Get so drunk that you fuck a random hot guy and won't even remember him in the morning!"

This bitch is crazy.

_Agreed._ Flo said.

Thank you for agreeing with me for the first time in my life, I said back to Flo.

"Thanks for the kind words, bitch." I muttered angrily.

"Hey! Don't even pretend to go psycho bitch on me, Isabella Swan. You know better than that. I love you to death, but Jesus I'm tired of seeing my best friend turn into a shell of the Bella Swan that used to work at my bookstore during the day and become a complete party animal after hours." Rose said looking as if she was going to cry… or hit me.

Probably both. And I'd probably let her.

_Because you're a pussy. _And angry Flo was back. Maybe I'm crazy.

I sighed. "Rose, I love the shit out of you guys, but honestly, I'm fine. Maybe I'm just growing up and getting sick of our teenage ways." Lie. A part of me hoped she believed it.

The other part wanted her to slap me in the face so that I could go back to the things were… before Jacob. Heh. _Before_ Jacob. I hate thinking of my life that way. There was Before Jacob and After Jacob; the after not being much fun. Although, the Jacob-By-Itself didn't end up being great either.

"That's bullshit and you know it." Emmett said from behind me. I turned and looked at him. His mouth was in a tight line and his eyes showed a mixture of shock and anger. "You can't honestly expect us to just pretend to believe that you're all fine and dandy when you're not! Bella, Jacob's a dick and he hurt you. The fucker is lucky to still own his balls because if you would just let me, they'd be–"

"No." I said flatly. No one knew what really happened with Jacob except for Emmett and Rose. My dad was probably sitting by the phone waiting to hear of our engagement. What a crock of shit.

"Look, we didn't come here to propose Emmett finally getting his revenge on Jacob." Rose gave Emmett a pointed look. "We came here because we are taking you out tonight."

"What? No!" I said starting to protest, but Emmett already had me lifted over his shoulder in a fireman's carry and walked to my bedroom.

"Don't fight us, Bells. It'll be worse for you in the end…. Besides, the more you fight, the sluttier she'll make you look." Emmett said jovially as he dropped me on my bed.

Rose was right behind us and closed my door and locked it. "Em." She said, she said something else to him in that weird talking-with-your-eyes kind of way and suddenly Emmett was beside the door looking like a club bouncer.

"What are you doing?" I asked them.

"We are getting you dressed for a night on the town. We are going to get so drunk that we won't remember what happened in the morning. We are going to get you some hot man-meat for the night so that you can finally get over the stupid two-legged dog." Rose said.

She pulled some red fabric out of her luggage bag of a purse and threw it at me. I held it up. Fuck.

"Rosalie Hale, I cannot and will not wear this." I said throwing it back at her.

"Of course you aren't. That one's mine." She said digging around some more, looking determined.

After a total of five minutes, she had produced two pairs of heels and another dress. This one was black…and shorter than the red one. Fuck.

"Rosalie Hale, I swear to God if you get near me with any of that I will rip your uterus out!" I said warily as I tried to get away from her.

"Empty threats don't scare me, Bella. You of all people should know that by now. We've been best friends for what – eighteen years now?" she smirked at me. "Now strip."

"What?" I croaked. In all the years I'd known her, I'd never have thought she make me do something as crazy as make me strip in front of Emmett – her fiancé – and she's been known to come up with some pretty crazy shit.

"Oh, come on, Bella. We all know what you look like naked!" Emmett said exasperatedly. Sadly, that was true. "Besides," he smirked, "I'll make sure you don't see my hard-on."

"Stupid pig." I muttered as I stripped off my tank top and sweat pants.

"All of it, Bella. I've got to get you into sexy underwear." Rose said, yet again digging through her bag. She could probably hide a body in there if she wanted.

I groaned. "Turn around, Emmett. Just because you've seen me naked once doesn't mean I'm going to allow that to happen again." He mock pouted, but turned around anyway.

I hated that it had been brought up – that night was so embarrassing to even think about. Emmett, Rose, and I had gotten drunk one night after a particularly nasty day at school (we were in our junior year of college at the time) and we all woke up the next morning hung-over, naked, and curled up together in Emmett's bed. We never really figured out what happened…. I think it's better we didn't, but I couldn't look Em in the eyes for nearly two months after that. I just couldn't get the picture of his junk on my chest out of my head after that.

I still shudder when I think about it.

"Put these on." She said tossing a ball of black lace at me. I pulled on the panties… which were so far up my butt crack that I wasn't sure if they could be considered legal thongs. Great, now I'm going to walk like I got a dick up my ass all night. I put the bra on next. This wasn't that bad… if you consider see through sexy black lace not that bad. Compared to the thong, it sure wasn't.

I put the dress on next. It wasn't really even a dress; I would call it a long shirt that barely covered my squish mitten. I definitely wasn't going to be bending over in any way tonight.

"Fuck, Bells, if I didn't have Rose, I think I would want to do you right now." Emmett laughed half an hour later when I was deemed perfect for clubbing in Rose's eyes.

"Thanks, Em." I muttered as I walked a few steps uneasily in the high heels. It was official: I now and forever hated Rosalie Lillian Hale. She was going to die an angry violent death. My hair was wavy and a little messy and my eyes were smoky and my lips were glossy and plump. Actually, she made me look like I had just been fucked. I sighed. My boobs also jutted out more than usual.

"And look, the little bitch has big ass titties!" Rosalie laughed as she finished fixing her makeup.

"Fuck you." I grumbled at her.

She smirked and leaned down to almost peck my cheek. I'd learned years before why she didn't just plant a kiss _on_ my cheek; it was to keep her lip gross from smearing and my face from getting sparkly and sticky.

"Are we ready to go now?" Emmett asked impatiently as he pulled my bedroom door open.

"Yes." Rosalie said, grabbing her gigantor purse.

Twenty minutes later, Rose, Em, and I were climbing out of Em's giant yellow Jeep at some club called Breaking Eclipse. Weird name. I think it was new in town; I've never been there. And trust me, the three of us had been to nearly all the clubs and bars in the Seattle area. Ah, good times…. I think. I still don't remember them all. And one time waking up to Emmett wearing Rosalie's panties while I was half naked on the floor – no I don't even wanna go there.

The music was loud and after Rose had gotten a few drinks into my system, I was ready to dance to it. Rose and I grinded on each other while giggling like little girls the whole time. We stopped for more drinks and as I polished off my sixth drink… maybe it was my seventh. No! It was my eighth… I think. Honestly, I'm not really sure how many drinks I've had at the moment, but Emmett joined us on the dance floor and we made a Rosalie sandwich. Just like the good ole days. I missed this. Jacob and I went out to places like this much. Maybe the After Jacob is looking up for me.

Suddenly, I felt someone move up behind me and grind their crotch against my ass. Emmett and Rose were smiling and gave me encouraging nods as they moved away from me and my mysterious dance partner. In my nearly drunken stupor, I figured I liked the anonymity of this situation and completely ignored my partner but rubbed my ass against him. He seemed to like that as I could feel his arousal on my hind end.

"You know, you're a pretty good dancer." His velvety voice said in my ear and sounded like sex.

"You're not so bad yourself." I shrugged and decided to turn and face him.

Oh my! Fuck me sexy Jesus and send me to hell. This boy was beautiful; although he was much more man than boy. I could feel his toned muscles move against me as we continued dancing. His hair was epitome of sex and whenever the strobe lights hit it just right it glowed like fire. His eyes sparkled at me like emeralds. I have never in my life seen a man more handsome than him…. And that wasn't just the alcohol talking, either.

An hour and who knows how many drinks later, Mystery Man and I were making out at the table that Emmett and Rose had saved for us. His lips tasted of vodka and something completely him and I couldn't stop my tongue from licking the taste from him. He groaned lightly when I bit down on his bottom lip and pulled me closer to him. Maybe finding someone for a one night stand wasn't going to be hard. I'd have to thank Em and Rose in the morning…. Speaking of Em and Rose… where were they?

I pulled away from the hunk of man and looked around. I couldn't see them anywhere at all… or maybe I was too drunk to see them.

"If you're looking for your friends, they left about ten minutes ago." Mystery Man slurred.

I turned back to him and slurred "Well, then maybe we should leave, too. I feel like a square just sitting here while everyone is busy having sex on the dance floor!" We laugh.

"Maybe we should get out of here, then." He says seductively.

I smirk at him and we stumble out of the club together and he hails us a taxi and slurs out his address. Then, we are back to making out. Practically having sex in the back of a cab... which I would never do, it is highly uncomfortable in that thing just sitting there. Having sex will make things more… complicated.

* * *

"Oh, fuck." I muttered as I rolled away from the sunlight shining much too brightly in the windows. I scrunched my eyes as tightly shut as possible and dug my face into my hard pillow…. Wait a second. My pillows aren't hard! And they certainly don't move like that!

What the fuck! I thought as I pulled away from the human pillow.

"Can you keep your voice down?" the human pillow murmured pitifully as he covered his ears. "I have the hangover of the century."

Did I say that out loud? "You have the hangover of the century? I don't even fucking remember last night. And where the fuck am I?"

He opened his eyes briefly and closed them just as quickly. "Me neither. And you're at my apartment by the looks of things. And just so you know, I don't usually do things like this…. My friend suggested it because apparently I'm a downer and needed some ass." And then his eyes popped open wide. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that. I don't think you're just some ass…. Although, I'll admit, it's looking pretty good from here."

Fuck, I'm naked!? I looked down, but I was covered up. I guess that was okay. "It's alright. I don't usually have sex with guys I've just met, although technically I haven't even met you because I don't even know your name and all. But, my friends made me do this because they thought I needed some cheering up because I just got out of a bad relationship and I've spent weeks watching Ron White and that guy with all the dolls trying to make myself feel better and eating Ben & Jerry's."

"First of all, my name is Edward. And second, I'm sorry to hear that. What happened there?" he asked concerned.

"Pleased to meet you, Edward, I'm Bella. I walked in on my boyfriend of three years whom I thought I was in love with having sex with a girl that had been my friend since high school…. She always had been a bit of a whore, though." I said.

"Beautiful name for a beautiful girl. That's so wrong! What did you do?" he asked.

"Thank you." I smiled slightly. "I didn't have much time to say anything. I think I cried a little. And he told me it was nothing and she didn't mean anything to him. To quote him, 'I don't even like fucking that nasty loose pussy anyway.' Right in front of her, too! If I hadn't been feeling so sad and angry, I think I would've felt sorry for the poor slut."

"That's fucked up. What was her name?" he asked suddenly.

"Jessica. Why?"

"Because I vow to never have sex with girls named Jessica in honor of you, Bella." He said smiling gently, yet painfully. Probably due to the killer hangover we both had.

"That's sweet of you, Edward." I smiled.

"You're welcome. And now, how about we get up and you take a shower while I make a yummy breakfast of Advil and omelets?" he suggested as he climbed out of bed giving me a wonderful of his naked ass.

Forget yummy breakfast. Yummy toned white ass was more like it.

He walked over to the window and pulled the curtains shut, making my head hurt slightly less, but made it harder to see. I wonder what time it is. I looked around the room for a clock as he pulled on a pair of boxers (and I tried not to stare too long at his impressive package, bigger than Emmett even.... Shudder.)

"Come on." He smiled while squinting at me and holding out a hand for me to grab. I made sure his sheet was wrapped tightly around me and grabbed his offered hand. "The bathroom is here." He said leading me into a room that was a dark green color and dimly lit – thank god and Jesus and Mary and all of those other biblical people for that!. "I don't know how you want the water. So, turn the knob left for hot water and right for cold water. And just pull the knob out to turn the shower on. I'll leave towels out for you." He said and then left as I started fixing the temperature of the water.

I couldn't help but moan as the hot water cascaded down my back. Edward's shower was better than mine; it felt like I was getting a massage. Mine was either too hot or too cold and never in between. I wonder if he'd let a random stranger that he had sex with move into his shower. That would be a wonderful conversation, I'd bet. I can see it now. _"Hey, Edward?" "Yes, Bella?" "Would you mind if I moved into your shower?" "What?" "It's not like you'd have to share your whole house with me… just the shower. Please?" "Are you fucking crazy?"_

Yeah… so not gonna happen. Maybe I should just shoot myself in the foot or something because no matter how many ways you look at life, it completely sucks if you're not rich or impossibly beautiful. Or both. Edward was both. I was… just Bella. So, that kicked me out of both of those categories.

The sudden knock at the bathroom door broke me away from my thoughts and I realized I'd been in here longer than I'd thought.

"Bella, are you all right in there? You've been in there for over half an hour." Edward called from the other side.

Shit. Had I really?

"I'm fine." I called back as I shut the water off. "I always take long showers." I added as an afterthought.

"Oh… okay. Well, breakfast is ready." He said and I heard him walk off.

My stomach grumbled and it almost sounded like some grumbled organ's version of "bitch, you haven't fed me since last night's ice cream and I'm fucking hungry!" Actually, that sounded like something Emmett would say. Maybe in Emmett's free time, he liked to hide out and torment my tummy… it did like to randomly complain to me that it was hungry.

I got out and dried off and – Fuck!

I looked all around the large bathroom searching, thinking maybe they decided to play a little game of hide-and-seek. Nope. No clothes, not even my crazy illegal thong; fucking nowhere. Now, I'd have to walk through his house in a towel, which meant I might as well go naked.

I made sure my towel was tight around me – why I was deciding to be modest now, I have no idea; probably because I was too drunk to care last night – and opened the bathroom door. I took slow, calming breaths as I made my way toward the kitchen. This was going to be embarrassing, I just know it. Shit, shit, shit. Why couldn't I have thought to bring clothes with me?

_Because you were too busy ogling that hot piece of ass, you big dumb bitch._ I hate inner voices. They're always so negative… and rude.

_And completely 100% right, dumb ass._ Damn it! That's it, Flo! I'm done with you. You're annoying as hell and give me no helpful advice.

I heard the shuffling of dishes in a room nearby and followed that sound knowing that was where Edward was. I moved faster as if to try and outrun my embarrassment.

"Hey, Edward, we kind of have a problem." I said as soon as I walked in.

He had his back to me and said, "What kind of problem?" And then he turned around, his eyes going wide and his mouth popping open and he dropped the two forks that were in his hands.

I blushed. Apparently, you can run from mortification… but it'll always find you. If it was a person, it'd be Chuck Norris, I'm sure. I cleared my throat. "This kind of problem."

His eyes snapped back to normal size and he closed his mouth. "Um… what?" Very articulate.

"I didn't take my clothes to the bathroom with me and I don't remember seeing them anywhere." I said. No need to mention why the whole building could be on fire and I wouldn't have noticed at this point in time.

"Yeah, I can give you something to wear and I'll look for your dress and… yeah, your dress." He said and shot out of the room like a bat out of Hell. I followed silently.

When I walked into the bedroom he was pulling out a t-shirt from one of his many drawers and tossing onto the bed. I grabbed it and decided since his back was to me I could drop the towel and slip the shirt on quickly. Letting go of the towel, I grabbed the shirt and lifted my arms to put it on… which happened to leave all my girly bits in perfect view. Once the shirt was in place on my body, I looked up at him ready for the next article of clothing. Again his eyes were wide, his mouth open; well, at least he'd managed to hold onto the pants.

He coughed a little and blinked and was back to normal. "Uh, here you go…. I'll just. Go. To the kitchen. While you change." And again he was gone with a fire under his ass.

What was wrong with him? I wondered.

_He may have slept with you last night, but you know he remembers just as much as you do._ Flo said to me.

At least she didn't cuss me out or imply that I was stupid. Kudos, Flo!

_Fuck you._ She said back to me.

I quickly put on the sweatpants and pulled them all the way up to underneath my boobs in an attempt to keep them from falling down.

"You wouldn't happen to have a belt would you?" I asked as I walked back into the kitchen holding the pants up.

He grinned sheepishly. "Sorry no. I don't think I've owned a belt since the seventh grade."

I smiled back just because his grin was so infectious. "So, what's for breakfast?" I asked.

"Well, we've got bacon and biscuits and eggs. Oh, and gravy, but I don't think it tastes that great so I make the suggestion that you don't eat it." He said making a disgusted face at the bowl of gray goop.

I sat down in front of the empty plate and grabbed two biscuits and nearly twenty pieces of bacon.

_Fat ass._ Flo snarled.

Whatever. I was hungry. And I fucking loved bacon; I could never ever pass it up when anyone made it…. Except Jasper. He should not make bacon. I like it burned to a crisp, but not so much that there is nothing but burnt bacon flavored ashes, Poor bastard. I hope his most recent girlfriend was a good cook.

When the bacon hit my tongue, I think I moaned out loud – I'm not sure, really. But, Edward was looking at me with a funny little smirk.

"I'm guessing my bacon is good?" he laughed.

"You have no idea!" I gushed. "I love bacon so much; I think I could marry it. And burnt is the best way to eat it. You're amazing, Edward."

He laughed louder. "Of course, it's the only way to eat it. And… that's a little weird. How would you consummate your marriage?"

"I'd eat it." I said simply shrugging as I finished another piece of bacon.

"But, no real satisfaction for you." He replied.

"It's bacon… I'd eat the bacon. There's very few things that rank better than bacon." I giggled.

His smirk turned seductive. "Do I count as better than bacon?"

"Yes," I replied automatically. Dazed. Whoa, how did he do that?

_You don't even fucking remember it! _Flo yelled at me.

Edward leaned away from me and said, "Good because it's just sad if bacon is better in bed than me. It's also really embarrassing."

I giggled again. "Yep. Way embarrassing. Actually, I know how it feels to have sex with someone and rather be in bed with bacon. You didn't manage to make the cut. Sorry."

"I think I'll manage not making the Bella's Worst Escapades list." He grinned and stuck a forkful of eggs in his mouth.

The conversation lagged a little after that. We were both more focused on the _nourriture_ than each wasn't an awkward silence, though; it felt more like the silence between two people who know each other so well that you both know every moment must be filled with meaningless conversation. It almost felt like we'd known each other forever. How odd. We barely even knew each other and yet here I was at his house, in his clothes, eating his food. It was probably nothing, though. The last time I'd thought it was something; it turned out to be the worst mistake of my life.

_I thought I told you not to think about that lame fuck. Was that not the point of Em and Rose taking you out last night or not?_ Jeez! Leave me alone, stupid Flo!

"Um. I think I have to go." I said slowly standing after we'd just been sitting there for twenty minutes.

He jumped up. "You don't really have to." He said.

"I probably should. My friends will wonder what happened to me last night." I said almost sadly. I really didn't want to go.

_Then don't. Stay here with Edward and have hot passionate sex that you'll actually remember._

But I couldn't.

"Oh, okay." He said sounding like a sad little child.

As I walked to his front door with my purse in one hand and pants held up with the other, I turned to him. "I'll give your clothes back as soon as I can."

"Keep them." He insisted.

"No, I really couldn't. I'll feel bad."

"Well, then how about this? You give me my clothes back when I find yours and give them back to you." He said.

"But, how will you–"

He shushed me by putting his finger against my lips. "Don't worry about it. If something is meant to be, just sit back and let it happen." He said cryptically. "We will meet again, Bella Swan." He smiled.

"Goodbye, Edward." I murmured in a daze and walked out of his apartment.

I don't remember getting home because my mind was in a fog. I never got his number, but what was the point of that anyway? I knew I'd never get the courage to call him…. He'll forget me soon enough as it is. That would just be weird. I could see the conversation now. _"Hello?"_ his voice would say. _"Hi, Edward?" _I would say back timidly. _"Yeah… who is this?" "Oh, I'm just the girl you fucked when we were both so drunk we couldn't even remember if it was good or not – I mean you were good – probably great! But, I don't really remember it and I woke up in your bed at your apartment feeling like I'd known you my whole life." _Click. He'd hang up. Yeah, even I'm not stupid enough to believe that wouldn't not happen if the situation ever arose.

I walked in my front door feeling sad because I just _knew _I'd never see him again. Wasn't I supposed to be feeling great after just having sex last night? That was how I was supposed to feel.

_At least you're not torn up over the dick that couldn't keep it in his pants for you._ Ugh. Now was not the time for Flo to go about bugging me. Maybe I'm crazy. I have a voice in my head that talks to me named Flo and I just got home from a random stranger's apartment named Edward, whom I slept with last night after getting completely shit-faced. I sighed.

As soon as I walked into my apartment, I was attacked by big arms that wrapped me up against their body. "Bella!" the voice to the arms yelled in my ear. "I'm missed you this morning! I had to eat Rose's nasty bacon. I missed you so, so much!"

"Say one more thing about the goddamn bacon, Emmett, and you're sleeping outside from now on." Rosalie threatened from somewhere behind us.

I gasped for the breath that had conveniently decided to scram when Emmett picked me up. "Em… I – can't.... Air!" was all I managed as darks spots clouded my vision.

"Emmett McCarty! Put her down before she passes out! She can't breathe." Rosalie yelled from a far off place where I still couldn't see her.

He dropped me, causing me to land on my ass in the floor at his feet. A hand appeared in front of my face as he laughed. "Sorry, Bells. I didn't mean to almost kill you."

"Yeah, yeah, I'm sure." I muttered as I regained the air in my lungs.

Finally, Rose appeared as Emmett pulled me over to my couch to sit. She was sitting at my kitchen table lounging in one of my old chairs with a book lying in front of her, but it was closed. Her eyes were trained on me and Emmett – or should I say, just me?

"How did it go last night?" she asked finally after taking in a long look at my appearance.

"Great, I guess. I didn't remember a thing just as you asked." I said pleasantly.

"Really? Did you do the nasty with a random hot stranger?" she asked her interest aroused but she still had this look in her eye that said she knew something that she wouldn't share.

I blushed. "Yes."

"Was he good?" Emmett jumped in grinning broadly.

"I don't remember. But, with as beautiful as he was, most likely." I said, my blush deepening.

"Perfect!" Rose squealed and suddenly her arms were around me and I was being choked out by her blonde hair.

I didn't understand her sometimes. She was so… man-ish when it came to sex; she thought everyone (especially me) needed a really good fuck that they would never remember every once in a while. I sighed. "Will you please get off of me?" I asked bored.

She pulled away from me but didn't get off me; she chose to keep her bony ass planted on my lap.

"Well, I've got some good news." She said cheerily.

_Oh, fuck._ Flo said distraughtly.

Oh, fuck is right. Last time she had good news… well, let's just not go there.

"What?" I asked warily.

"Jasper is back in town with his girlfriend-with-potential-to-be-fiancé and they want us to come to dinner with them Friday night." she smiled happily. "Oh, and guess what's better! Her brother will be with them and he lives right here in Seattle. He's also single." She added coyly.

I smiled. Jasper was back. Maybe he could reign in his crazy ass sister… although; he did tend to wild things, too. And what was better was Alice was here. I'd never met Alice – or her single brother, for that matter – but, I'd heard plenty of things about her. I felt like I already knew her.

Friday night dinner. Yes, I think I could do that… even if Rose was already getting ideas into her head about me hooking up with Alice's brother.

* * *

**Well, what do y'all think? No, I'm not finished. I just stopped here because I thought it was long . Plus, I'm really tired…soo goodnight! :)**

**.  
SpunkyPeanut**


	2. Chapter 2

**Whoot! I'm back peoplessss! :)****  
I'm hoping this will be worth your while since I got positive feedback.  
Anyway, on with the story:)**

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SpunkyPeanut

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**BPOV**

Friday was fast approaching… especially since today was Thursday and I had argued with Rose all week (aka: yesterday and today) about who was dressing me for dinner with them. I voted me, she voted herself. Emmett, the bastard that he was, remained neutral.

"Thank you. Hope you have a lovely day and come again soon!" Rose called to the customer with a smile as they walked away from the cash register and out the door.

And then, she rounded on me again.

"Bella, really! Is it too much to ask for? My brother and his potential fiancé and her brother are going to be meeting us for dinner tomorrow night. _Please_ let me dress you up for the occasion!" She complained.

"Well, what's the occasion? Formal or casual?" I replied as I shelved more books.

_You know it's not that easy, dummy._ Flo said. She'd been nicer on the name calling lately since the whole "get drunk and fuck *place random hot guy's name here* and not remember it the next morning" thing. I'll admit it was a nice change.

_Shut up. You're going to make me feel bad!_ She mentally screamed at me.

Great. Now I've hurt her feelings.

"I'm not telling you! Which means," she paused dramatically, not even noticing my internal conversation with Flo, "I have to dress you and make you pretty."

"Thanks, bitch. Am I not pretty enough?" I replied sarcastically.

"No. You're perfect. You just don't know how to make the world see that sexy body of yours." Rose giggled.

I've thought it once; I thought it a million times: this bitch is crazy.

_Again, agreed._ Flo said as we both mentally shuddered.

I sighed. "No, Rose, I will not let you dress me. I'm not a fucking Barbie doll for you to dress and undress as you please!" I said back exasperatedly… right as a person walked in the store.

They took one look at me (and gave me the weirdest "what a dumbass" look ever) and steered clear of my small corner with the romance novels. Yeah, well fuck you, too, Random Strange Woman. I hope you grow old with saggy boobs and 80 cats that secretly plot their revenge against you.

_Wow. Someone's a little bitchy today._

Shut up, Flo! I'm not in the mood!

Finally, Rose was distracted and I took the time to go outside and take a walk down the street. I swear, the woman was going to drive me to smoking, I was that stressed out by her. I'd end up being like a nervous chain smoker on an airplane that has frost on its wings. I'd have one cigarette in my mouth, one in one hand, one in an ash tray, and lighting another while everyone looked at me weird. I had that thought right as I passed a liquor store. Temptation was mighty and I couldn't pass it up.

_Bella! What would Rose say?_ Flo chastised me.

She'd probably want to do it with me. I replied back.

_No she wouldn't! She hates smoking!_ Flo argued.

So, I'll buy her some vodka and she'll get over it…. Not a bad idea actually.

"Can I help you?" a voice asked.

"Yeah… I'm looking for vodka and cigarettes." I replied lamely.

"We've got every kind of each." The man laughed.

"Vanilla vodka and just a pack of Djarum lights." I said, knowing Jasper would want to smoke the rest of them later.

_You're a dumbass._ Flo said to me.

Not now! I'm doing business… and helping Jasper out. I replied as I grabbed a small pack of matches… also for Jasper later.

The man got both for me and then rang up my total…. Luckily, I'd remembered to bring my money with me so I didn't have to embarrass myself. As I left, I pulled one of the cloves out of the pack and lit it. It felt weird smoking… which is probably why I only ever did it with Jasper. But, it was relaxing. Before I'd ever smoked, I didn't get why people said it calmed their nerves – and then, suddenly, I did.

It was kind of a funny story how that happened. I was in high school and I'd been having a bad day. I'd failed a Physics test and a math test and I'd forgotten my five page hand-written essay about – well I can't remember that now – at home because I'd overslept that morning, making myself late to school. Plus, Rose was mad at me because she thought I had a thing for Emmett and Jasper (apparently, I was after both of her men at that time – of course, I didn't, though) and I didn't know what to do. Obviously, I couldn't go to her for help. And I was afraid to go to Emmett for fear it would make things worse between us. Jasper was really my only option. I went to his workplace after school, Forks Diner (stupid name, I know), and caught him on one of his breaks. He took me outside with two steaming cups of coffee and cloves for us both. While I ranted about my problems, I drank the coffee burning my tongue, adding insult to injury.

"Bella, seriously, you've got to lighten up." He'd said and then handed me his lit clove that was already almost half-smoked. "Rose, is a bitch. Trust me, I know; I have to live with the Ice Queen." Then, he laughed at his own little joke.

I coughed a lot after taking too long of a drag off of it. And again, he laughed… this time at me. "Bella, I love you a lot. But, if it helps, I know you don't have the hots for me. Or Emmett; I think you're too smart to go after that piece of shit." That was his term of endearment for Emmett back then.

It was hard to feel uncomfortable around Jasper. He was just laid back and easy going that no one could feel weird around him. But, then again I'd known him almost as long as I'd known Rose so, yeah. Even when I'd walked in on him masturbating in the bathroom to one of his dad's Playboys when we were fourteen, I didn't find it awkward. Well, I blushed a lot around him for a long time after that, but when he talked it still wasn't that bad. It was something we continually laughed about now. Although, no one knew about it but us, which made it funnier.

"Yeah, I couldn't love you." I teased bumping his upper arm with my shoulder. "Your dick is too small anyway."

"It's been three years, Bells. I've changed." He wiggled his eyebrows at me suggestively and smirked.

"Am I really supposed to believe that?" I snorted as I dropped the clove and stepped on it to put it out.

"Yes. It's quite obvious to me."

"Maybe that means you need to find a girl to fuck instead of your right hand:" I laughed. And after that, I felt better about everything. He didn't even have to give me some awesome piece of advice to make everything good again; he just had to listen and make jokes in that easy-going way of his.

I shook my head and laughed a little at the memory. After that Rose, of course, realized how stupid she was being, and even admitted that she thought Jasper and I would be great together. We tried out a relationship in our senior year… yeah, that was a laugh. He was amazing when it came to having sex – although I had nothing to compare it to at the time – and amazing at just about everything else, but it just didn't work between us. I hope Alice doesn't hold that against me and hate me right off.

As I walked into the bookstore, Rose was setting up for lunch.

"It's about time you got back here, you little whore. Where've you been?" she said without even looking in my direction.

"How did you know it was me?" I replied.

I will never in a million years know how she does that. Jasper seemed to be able to do it, too. Maybe it was a weird Hale thing.

_No, they just know when Bella Swan trips through their door. Anyone can do it, really._ Flo said logically.

Whatever, Flo. Go away.

"Please, everyone knows when you walk in. Something usually breaks or there's a sound of stumbling feet." Rose snorted as she turned to face me.

_Told you, fuck face!_ I swear, one of these days I need to see a therapist to get rid of Flo. Or maybe what I really need is a priest. Maybe Flo is just some demon in my mind set out on a magical journey by the devil to make my life a living hell and turn me to the dark side.

_Stupid bitch! I'm not a fucking demon here to possess you; I'm your goddamn conscience. Have some fucking respect!_ Great. Now, I've effectively single-mindedly pissed her off. Now, I'd have to listen to her bitch all day about it. Fuck you, great and wonderful non-private thoughts, you've really gotten me into some deep shit with the all powerful conscience named Flo.

_Cut the crap, Bella Swan. I know you're not really sorry._

Yeah, I'm sorry; sorry that I'll have to listen to grip at me all day like a fucking old lady getting her blue hair cut.

_Fuck you._ And she was gone. Just like that…. Maybe my day was looking up after all.

"Hello? Earth to Bella! Anyone alive in there?" Rose was waving her hand in front of my face now looking angry.

"What?" I asked confused.

"You just fucking checked out of life there for a second. Are you okay? I asked you a question." She replied.

"Yes, I'm fine. Just thinking."

"Okay, that's great. Now, what's in the bag?" she asked looking pointedly at the brown paper bag in my hands.

"A special present for you and Jasper." I replied, pulling out the bottle of vodka. "Merry fucking Christmas." I said.

She got this glazed look in her eyes as she gazed at the bottle of clear liquid, as if she were already drunk. She suddenly grabbed the bottle and ran to get a cup.

"Get me one, too, bitch! I didn't get that just for you, you know!" I called as I pulled out the pack of cigarettes and matches. I walked outside with them in hand.

I pulled a sleek cigarette out of the pack and lit it carefully. Knowing me, if I wasn't careful, I'd set myself on fire and make the six o'clock news. I could see it now: _"This just in: a young girl was standing outside a bookstore lighting a cigarette when she caught herself on fire! What a fucking dumbass!"_ Yeah. Screw you, stupid news person. I'm careful. I won't set myself on fire. The smoke calmed me as I inhaled it and blew it out.

Now, back to the issue at hand. Flo, I need some ideas. How can I stop Rose from killing me while picking out my clothing for dinner?

_Oh, so you actually _want_ my help? After what you said to me, I don't think I should._ Does she have to be that sarcastic? _Yes. It makes me feel better._

What if I said sorry… and meant it? Would that help get you back on my side? You are in my mind, after all. Why would you want me to go through such torture twice in one week?

_Well, for one, you needed it earlier. And I don't think I should forgive you so easily. I'm sure Jasper would love to see you come to dinner dressed as a cleaner cut, darker haired and shorter version of his twin sister._ Again, sarcasm.

What the fuck, Flo? Just please help me. I promise not to be mean to you again… this month. I mentally pouted at her. I bet if anyone could read my mind right now, they'd have me committed to an insane asylum. Outwardly, I suppose I looked normal. Smoking a cigarette and leaning casually against the store window.

Flo sighed. _Fine, damn it. I'll help you. Although, I'll point out that I'm just being nice. Personally, I think you deserve Rose's torture because of what you said to me._

I'm sorry.

She sighed again; this time exasperated. _Bella, have you thought of _calling_ Jasper and finding out what sort of event this is?_

Oh! That's a wonderful idea, Flo! Why didn't I think of that one myself? Damn, I really am a fucking dumbass.

_I know. That's why I'm here. Otherwise, your brain would get lonely without the all-mighty Flo here to help you. I'm like your own special Squip._ She smiled at me.

Thank you. I said to her smiling back internally as I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket and dropping the cigarette in the same instant. I stomped it out absentmindedly as I dialed his number.

"Hello?" his voice said on the other line.

"Hey, Jazz!" I said happily.

"Bella Swan, to what do I owe this pleasure of you calling me while you should be working your ass off for my sister?" he laughed.

"I bought her a drink and stepped outside to call you and ask what sort of occasion our dinner is tomorrow night." I said back.

"Ah, I get it. She wants to dress you up and deliberately left out the small details, didn't she." It wasn't a question.

"Yep."

"Well, it's casual. Just wear what you normally wear…. Scratch that. Dress up in a pair of _nice_ jeans and a _nice_ t-shirt. Alice might go crazy and burst." He laughed again.

"Okay, so to avoid the catastrophe of your girlfriend exploding, I'll make sure I wear something casual, but nice and I'll kill your sister if she gets anywhere near me with mascara and eyeliner. If you don't see a girl that looks just like you tonight… feel free to make arrangements for a funeral."

"I'll smile while I do it." I couldn't see him, but I knew he was smiling. That was Jasper for you. He didn't care whether you talked about planning his sister's death… that is, if you were one of the right people. I'd been one of the right people since we were kids. Actually, the first time Rose's death was planned was when we were seven. Jasper and I had decided that we were gonna tie her up with rope, duct tape her mouth and leave her outside for hungry tigers…. The only bad thing about that was A: there are no wild tigers in Washington (at least, not as far as I know) and B: her and Jasper's parents came home just as we were about to do it, forcing our evil plan to be diminished. Jasper and I were quite angry about that. We tried a poisonous apple after that…. All we really did was put pepper on it and forgot which one we'd put it on and Jasper ended up eating it. That was not pleasant.

"All right. I promise no apples this time. I'll use the damn mascara if I have to." I muttered mostly to myself.

His laugh was even louder this time and I had to hold the phone away from my ear as he sputtered out "What the fuck would you do? Choke her with the brush?"

"That's actually a good idea!" I said brightening. "I'm glad we had this talk, Jazz. I'll see you tomorrow night, doll face."

"I love you, Bella." He sighed.

"Love you, too, Jazz." I smiled as we hung up and I put my phone away as I walked back inside.

Rosalie looked at me suspiciously as I walked back in with the cheesiest fucking smile I could manage – all to piss the blonde bitch off more. Oh, life is so sweet.

_Until, the blonde bitch decides to dish out her torture on you for not giving in to her._ Thanks, Flo. Ruin the moment.

"What's with that smile? You look like you just got fucked outside my store." She said as she took a bite of her sandwich.

"Jasper loves me." I said simply as I sat down next to her and taking the bottle of vodka to pour myself a drink.

She froze. "He what?"

"Yeah. I just talked to him while I was outside." I said as nonchalantly as possible, trying not to look – or sound – smug.

"Really?" Her eyes narrowed at me. "And how did that conversation go?"

"Wonderful. We talked about you," – and how you're going to die, I added mentally – "and dinner tomorrow night…. Oh, and he also admitted that wanted to fuck my brains out and we're going to strangely disappear in the middle of dinner to hump like bunnies in the bathroom."

"WHAT!" She shrieked as she almost choked on her food. "How dare you!"

_Good job, stupid. You've pushed her too far on the Jasper subject. We're going to die now._ Thanks for the vote of confidence, Flo. I always knew I could count on you.

"Jesus Christ, Bella. You ruined everything! Now, I can't dress you up." She looked as if she couldn't decide whether to fume or pout. "Fuck, I'm going to kill my brother slowly and painfully and laugh at his funeral."

"Funny, out of all that I said, all you heard were the words 'dinner" and 'what to wear'. Did you even notice what I said about humping like bunnies?" I replied, ignoring the pissy look she was now giving me.

"I heard, and I know that it's a lie because you two passed that stage a long time ago. Besides, I know neither of you are going to fuck in the bathroom. That's already happened, hasn't it?"

I blushed. Yes, talking about having sex with Jasper with his twin sister who happened to be my best friend makes me blush. Maybe it's not so much sex and Jasper, but I think it was that one time in the bathroom at a Steak n' Shake with him. I'm still embarrassed by it.

"Yeah, that's what I thought." She said as she finished off the sandwich. "And just so you know… I will avenge your dead style. Prepare to die, you fucking bitch." She smirked menacingly.

_Oh, fuck me in the ass with a spatula._ Flo said as my eyes widened and I gulped.

I agree, Flo. That sounds much less painful.

* * *

"_If you're famous, you're hot  
__Always something you're not__  
So, keep on fucking__  
But you'll never reach the top  
If you're famous, you're hot  
Thank God for Photoshop  
So, keep on fucking  
But, you'll never reach the top."_

Fuck. Jeffree Star's blasting on the radio. Time for dinner. Rose is here. And sure enough there was the sound of two sharp honks from her car. As if I couldn't already hear her music blaring.

_What is it with Jeffree fucking Star? He's a faggot with pink sharpie eyebrows. He can't even sing. _Flo grouched.

Shut the fuck up, Flo. Jeffree Star is the shit. Who cares if he's gay? He's awesome, bitch.

"Could you play Jeffree any louder?" I yelled at Rose as soon as I was in her car buckling my seat belt.

"I could, but do you really want me to?" she yelled back as she reached for the volume button.

"I think I'm good for now!"

"WHAT? I can't fucking hear what you're saying, Bella! Talk louder!" Emmett yelled from the backseat.

"I said, hi, Emmett. How are you?" If my voice got any louder western China would be able to hear me.

"OH! Hi, Bella! What do you mean 'why buy food'?" He boomed back looking confused.

"I didn't say anything about food, damn it! I said HOW ARE YOU?"

"OH! I'm great. Can't hear. Jeffree Star is the shit, though."

_Yeah, the shit that needs to be turned off._ Flo growled.

Shut the hell up, Flo.

We sat in silence… well except for the pink haired god/goddess singing to us about being a beauty killer. He'd make a wonderful plastic surgeon, I think.

_La la la la la LA!_ Flo was singing off key and obnoxiously to drown out the sounds of him.

I sighed and reached for the volume button. It went from loud and crazy to silent and ringing in less than a second. Boy, after being in the car with Rose one can certainly hear the bells…. They probably won't go away until tomorrow morning.

"Stupid bitch, messing with my radio." She muttered under her breath. At least, I think that's what it was.

"Hey. Hey, Rose! There's the restaurant. I can see his little blond curly head from here!" Emmett said excitedly bouncing in his seat.

"I see, Emmett." She replied in a voice that sounded like it should be used for a little kid.

"Hurry up! I have to go attack him!" he jumped out of the car just as she was pulling into a parking space. "JAZZY-POO!" He yelled running over to him and nearly tackling him to the ground.

"Hello, Emmett. Get the fuck off me." Jasper muttered.

I rolled my eyes at Emmett's antics as he pouted on Jasper's car. "Hello, Jasper."

"What? No wonderful pet name for me?" he laughed as he hugged me tightly.

"Oh, well, I figured Emmett beat me to it." I replied. At his expression, I relented. "Okay, come here, my little cocksucker." He flipped me off as Emmett and Rose laughed wildly.

There was a high-pitched giggling from behind me and I turned just in time to see a tiny girl walking over to our little reunion. She immediately went to Jasper and wrapped her arms around his waist as his wrapped around her. With her little body and dark hair and eyes brighter than sunshine, I knew she must be Alice. Just looking at her I knew she was perfect for Jasper; she'd be the yin to his yang, the penis to his vagina – _Other way around, dumbass._ Yes, right. The vagina to his penis. Right? Yes. And to his lack of movement for periods of time, she's the graceful dancer in the room standing next to him.

Poetic, I know. Ha. Ha.

"Hi! YoumustbeBella! I'mAlicejustincaseyoudidn'tknowiknowwehaven'tmetbefore,butyou'reawesome!" the little pixie girl said.

_What? _Flo said and if she had a face, she'd have this confused look that clearly said "I have no idea what you're talking about, but you're a dumb fuck anyway".

Jasper noticed the look on my face and laughed. "Bella, I know the girl never breathes, but it's okay to ask her to repeat herself. She doesn't bite… at least not in a public setting." Cue smirk.

"Shut up!" Alice giggled as she elbowed him in the side.

"Um, hi, Alice. Pleased to meet you." I said finally recovering and holding out my hand for her to shake.

She ignored my hand and hugged me so tight that it was a hug that could rival Emmett's. "Oh, I know all about you, Bella Swan." She giggled. "Jasper has told me all about your wild side."

My face paled as my eyes widened and then narrowed at Jasper. He just shrugged and tried to contain his laughter. Stupid blond asshole. I was totally going to key his car later.

"He did, did he." I said although it was phrased like a question, it really wasn't.

"Of course. He's told me all about his best friends… and uh, _past lovers_." She whispered at the end.

"Jasper!" I yelled, outraged. Alice giggled at me, while again Jasper just shrugged at me.

"Come on, Alice. I'm getting bored in here saving a whole damn table! How long does it take to meet three people?" a male voice asked. "I'm starting to get those creepy looks from all the employees and this one MILF-type woman keeps giving me these looks like she wants to eat me for dinner and again before breakfast!" And then he was standing right next to me and Alice.

Oh. My. Gawd.

_Holy shit wheels!_ Flo said, apparently agreeing with me.

Edward. Edward was Alice's brother – _ahem_ – single brother. My eyes widened as I took in his sexy body and was abruptly having a flashback of seeing him naked in his bedroom earlier this week. I tried not to blush when he looked at me with a sexy smile on his face.

"Well, hello there." He said, holding his hand out for me to shake. "I believe it has been a while since we last spoke." I shook his hand and he stooped to kiss my knuckled lightly.

I suppressed a shiver.

"You know Bella?" Jasper asked confused.

"Yes, we met earlier this week. We were both needing some relaxation and found it together." He smirked as his eyes cut to mine. I caught the deeper meaning to that, but I had no idea if Alice and Jasper did.

"Oh, no way, Bella!" Rose said, stunned. "_Edward_ was the guy? Holy shit."

Emmett laughed. "Was I the only one that actually knew who he was at the time?"

"Yes." Rose and I said together causing Emmett and Edward to laugh harder.

"Jeez, Rose, why did you think I wanted to leave early, just the two of us?" Em said as if it should've been obvious. "If I had thought Bella wasn't in good hands, we would've stayed."

"Yeah, well, I was too drunk to really pay attention to anything at that point." Rose muttered in return.

Jasper cleared his throat then. "Well, come on, then. Let's go eat. I'm starving." He ushered us all inside.

Dinner was lovely indeed. Mostly we sat around talking about our pasts with Jasper to embarrass him. Sometimes it worked, and others it just embarrassed me. Emmett forced me to sit between him and Edward because apparently if I'm surrounded by "hot guys" it makes other guys look away and pretend not to notice me. Weirdo. Like any guy is really going to notice me.

_You need to work on your self-esteem. This simply will not do. I thought after Edward, you'd be all good to go._ Flo chastised in the middle of dinner as I ate my fillet and mushrooms.

After dinner, when everyone was locked in their own private conversations, Edward leaned over to me and whispered in my ear, "I told you we would meet again, Bella." It was pretty much all he'd said to me since we'd come inside.

"Yes, you were right…. I suppose this means I have to give your clothes back now." I said with a small bold smile.

_Thank you, Bella! It's about damn time you started flirting with men! I was beginning to think your skinny ass couldn't do it anymore._

Shut up, Flo!

"Yes, I suppose so. But, you see, there's this problem I have. This really pretty girl left her dress at my house and I have no way to give it back because I don't know where she lives." He said. "Do you think you could help me with that, Bella?"

"Oh, of course. I'm sure she wants that dress back, too. It was pretty, but it needs to be returned to its owner over there with the blond hair." I grinned pointing.

"Jasper?" he asked with a fake look of confusion.

"Yes, he always did have good legs for tiny dresses." I giggled.

He snorted. "That's just… disgusting. Now, I'm going have dreams about Jasper being a drag queen."

At this I laughed out loud. I'd never thought of that, but picturing him in a Jeffree Star persona was really hilarious. And I said so.

He laughed louder as well causing everyone at the table to look at us perplexed.

"What's so funny?" Emmett asked finally decided he wanted in on the joke.

I smirked at Edward, then leaned into Emmett and whispered "Jasper in drag" in his ear. His booming laugh filled the room while Edward and I continued to chuckle quietly. The others were still looking at us funny.

That was pretty much the second biggest moment of the night.

"Hey! I almost forgot!" Jasper said out of nowhere as we were walking out to the parking lot. We looked at him expectantly. "I told mom and dad we'd meet them down at the karaoke bar downtown." He almost looked ashamed at forgetting… or maybe he had that look because everyone but Edward and Alice knew what kind of trouble we could get in with Carlisle and Esme at a karaoke bar.

"Fucking sweet! I can't wait for your dad to get up on stage and rap again. That was classic." Emmett hollered ecstatically.

"Oh, god. That was so embarrassing." Rose groaned.

"So, we all up for it?" Jasper said.

"Of course!" we all agreed.

"I got dibs on riding shot gun with Jasper and Alice!" Emmett yelled jumping on top of Jasper's car. Fucking idiot. I'm glad that my luck isn't bad enough that I had to call him my brother. People might pity me.

Rose, Edward, and I climbed in her car and drove to the infamous karaoke bar.

"Remember, Bella," Rose started. "Don't drink so much this time. We don't want a repeat performance of last time." I blushed.

"What happened last time?" Edward asked curiously from the back seat.

"Our little Bella here, drank herself into confidence and got up on stage with my shit faced father and they sang "I Got You, Babe" where in the middle of the song, Bella decided to start grinding on him and fell completely off the stage." She shuddered at the memory, no doubt. I was suppressing my own.

_Ahh, good times._ Flo sighed.

No. Not _good times_, Flo! That was the most embarrassing thing ever!

_Was not!_

Was too!

_Was not!_

Oh, forget it! Arguing with you is like arguing with a fucking rock.

"I'm still surprised Esme didn't kill me for that. But, oh, no! What did she do? She yelled for me to teach her that sometime minus the falling part." I groaned. "You know, sometimes, I really hate your parents, Rose."

"Yeah, well, finding out that my _father_ was turned on by my _best friend's_ dancing and that my _mother _wanted to learn how to do that from said best friend doesn't exactly make any of you my favorite people." She said bitterly.

Edward laughed at us. "Wow. I think I'm gonna stay away from the alcohol tonight. The bartenders might be putting something in the drinks."

"And what makes it worse is that Jasper got the whole thing on video!" I exclaimed still caught up in the flashback. And no, this time I'm not even gonna share it with you because it is just so wrong and horrible…. And also, it makes me look like a clumsy, drunken, practically-incestual (is that a word?), slut.

_But, Bella, it's so much funny to watch! People have gotta have a visual on it!_ Flo whined.

Shut up, Flo! You're supposed to be advising me to not do things like this and you're fucking encouraging me!

"Is there any way I might be able to see that video?" Edward asked curiously.

We looked at him in shock. "What?!" Rose screeched just as I yelled "Hell no!"

"Relax, relax. I was just kidding." He said throwing his hands up surrendering.

_He's lying. He totally wanted to see it._ Flo said smugly.

Again, shut up! For a conscience or whatever the hell you are, you really suck. I said back to her as I stared out the front window in dread.

There's no telling what will happen tonight. And most likely it'll involve songs by the Beatles, the Rocky Horror Picture Show, and a hell of a lot of alcohol. I was completely fucked… especially if Carlisle and Esme were there. They always were weird parents to let Jasper and Rose get me into so much crap.

"Oh, look, old man! Your mistress is here!" Emmett said to Carlisle as I got out of the car at the karaoke bar. Of course, Emmett would be the one to not let us forget that night.

"Shut the fuck up, dumbass!" Carlisle and I said at the same time, glaring at Emmett.

"Hello, Bella." Esme said as she hugged me. "I'm still expecting you to show me those moves, I hope you know." She added as she sent a lustful look over at her husband. Ick. Gross!

"Well, shall we." Jasper said clearing his throat and purposely avoiding looking at his parents.

As we walked in and grabbed the booth closest to the stage, a girl was dancing on stage and singing "If You Seek Amy" by Britney Spears which sounded so wrong on so many levels. The girl sang it worse than Britney herself did! And that was saying something.

_Damn, Bella. You should get up there and show the girl up._ Flo said. _She's making _my_ ears bleed. And I haven't got any ears!_ I tried not to giggle out loud to Flo's comment, lest they'll all think I'm crazy.

As Carlisle, Emmett, and Jasper came to us with the first round of drinks, Carlisle said "Okay, bets on who goes first!"

Rose slapped down ten straws she always carried with her on occasions like this. "Alright, same as last time. Person who gets the shortest straw goes first and so on with the sizes. The person after them picks the song they sing and whoever gets the shortest straw picks the longest straws song." She explained for Edward and Alice who had never done this with us before. "Since this is Edward and Alice's first time, they are exempt from going first." She smirked. "Just thought I'd throw that in there for my lovely family."

Emmett was the first to pick, followed by Esme and Jasper. Everyone was intense as they picked their straws. Rose picked from one of the three last straws and put the others back in her purse.

"Fuck." Jasper muttered as he realized his straw was just longer than Alice's which meant he'd go first and she'd go after him. "I demand more alcohol before I go up there." He said loudly so that we'd all hear.

We all compared sizes as Jasper went to the bar with Alice and ordered more rounds of shots. This was going to be fun. The line up was Jasper, Alice, Esme, Emmett, Edward, me, Carlisle, and Rose. Lucky bitch. But, I bet in the end, she'd be the unluckiest since her brother was picking her song.

"So, how do we go about this?" Edward asked me as we all drank our second round.

"Well, Alice will pick Jasper's song and he _has_ to sing it no matter what. If you refuse you are thrown up on stage naked for all the unsuspecting citizens to see your goodies." I said only partly joking.

His eyes widened. "Really?"

"Yes. And don't worry. I'll go easy on you this time since it's your first time and all. But, after we all go once, we can as many times after that until everyone wants to leave." I explained.

Ten minutes later, Jasper was finally ready to go on stage. The song of Alice's choice: Dude (Looks Like A Lady) by Aerosmith. Not bad to start off with. Maybe she was going easy on him… or she really didn't understand the point of the game.

Right off the bat I was laughing. He did a horrible Steven Tyler impression.

"_Baby let me follow you down  
Let me take a peek dear  
Baby let me follow you down  
Do me, do me, do me all night  
Baby let me follow you down  
Turn the other cheek dear  
Do me, do me, do me, do me"_

He kept trying to dance which was very bad since he was doing it horribly. But, the plus side was everybody loved it. Esme and I were falling over each other laughing at the crazy movements and vocals of her son.

"Are you happy, people?" Jasper muttered at us as he sat back down at the table. "And that was only on four shots!"

"Alice," Esme started, "You have to sing… Scotty Doesn't Know." She smirked. "I would've given this one to Emmett, but I got you instead."

Oh, great. Poor Alice. She had to sing from the point of view of a man whore.

"Great!" Alice said hopping up to set the song that she was going to sing. She waited patiently on the stage smiling out at the crowd. "Hi! I'm Alice!" she said happily waving at everyone. "I'm going to sing a wonderful song for you all."

Everyone at our table was laughing quietly as the opening chords of "Scotty Doesn't Know" started and suddenly Alice was a rock star taking control of the crowd with her dancing and the filthy lyrics of Lustra.

"_Scotty doesn't know that Fiona and me  
Do it in my van every Sunday  
She tells him she's in church but she doesn't go  
Still she's on her knees and Scotty doesn't know!"_

She continued bouncing around and playing air guitar while simulating sex with the microphone stand. The crowd was completely silent except for us.

"_Scotty doesn't know,  
Scotty doesn't know,  
Scotty doesn't know,  
Scotty doesn't know,  
Scotty doesn't know,  
Scotty doesn't know,  
Scotty doesn't know,  
Scotty's gotta go!"_

She finished and the crowd cheered her on. She waved at them again and said "I hope you guys enjoyed that!" then she walked back over to the table as we clapped at her and wolf-whistled.

"My turn!" Esme said excitedly as she downed another shot and Emmett smirked at her.

"Are you ready?" Emmett asked her.

"Of course. I'm ready for anything you throw at me, little boy!" she jeered.

He leaned over to her and whispered something in his ear and she smirked. "You got it, little boy."

"Try not to break a hip, old woman!" he called after her.

She set the song and waited as the person before her on stage finished a horrible version of "Eye of the Tiger"

"_Ohhhhh!"_ Oh, god. I thought. Emmett would _not_ make _Esme_ sing that song.

The song had started. Here comes the lyrics.... And then… Esme sang.

"_Lock eyes from across the room  
Down my drink while the rhythms boom  
Take your hand and skip the names  
No need here for the silly games."_

_Oh, I'm thinking he just did make her sing that song. Gotta love the pluck in the woman. She's very brave._ Flo commented.

Emmett, Jasper, Rose, Alice, and Edward were laughing at Esme's dancing and the way her voice got a low and seductive as she sang. She was even thrusting her hips in time to the beat. Yep, Flo was right; gotta love Esme's gallons and gallons of pluck. I looked over at Carlisle and his eyes were glazed over. Apparently, I didn't need to teach Esme anything at all.

All the men in the bar cheered and whistled and cat-called after as she walked off the stage and engaged in a steamy make-out session with Carlisle. I swear, they were just like newlyweds. It was really gross. And I wasn't the only that thought that.

"Come on, Dad! Get off of her so we can sing." Jasper called.

"Yeah, old man! Keep your dick in your pants and give to Esme in a box!" Emmett cackled thinking his Lonely Island pun was hilarious…. It really wasn't.

Edward leaned over to me. "I don't know what song Emmett should sing." He seemed a little desperate.

I thought for a minute and had a wonderful idea. "Sweet Transvestite." I said.

"What?" he replied confused.

"Just tell him that's his song. You'll enjoy it, I promise."

"Okay, Emmett, you better get ready because your song is 'Sweet Transvestite'." Edward said smugly to Emmett.

Emmett's face paled and the haughty look that had been on his face disappeared. Oh, this would be fun. Much fun indeed.

* * *

**Okayy. I hope you enjoyed this chapter:)****  
I got tired of writing soo, I'm just gonna post this much for y'all.  
Next chapter! Emmett sings "Sweet Transvestite" and everyone else is up for their lovely songs.**

_****Songs for this chapter:  
(in the car with Emmett/Rose/Bella) Fame and Riches, Rehab Bitches by Jeffree Star  
Jasper's Song: Dude (Looks Like A Lady) by Aerosmith  
Alice's Song: Scotty Doesn't Know by Lustra  
Esme's Song: Jizz In My Pants by the Lonely Island**_

**Until next time, folks! :)**

**.  
SpunkyPeanut**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey, guys. Sorry it took me so long to put this up. I've been busy lately. My mom has decided I have to thoroughly study our states driver's manual and school's a drag. But, I'm pretty sure y'all don't wanna listen to my lame excuses, so here's the chapter! :)**

**.  
****SpunkyPeanut**

* * *

"Bella, you asshole!" Emmett yelled as he glared at me.

"What makes you think this is my fault?" I cried.

"Of course, it's your fault. You're the only one of us that loves the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Damn it!" he cried outraged.

Everyone just sat and laughed as he pouted and refused to move from his spot.

"Emmett, it's really not that bad singing it. Me and Carlisle have had to do it; it was only a matter of time before she got her hands on you, too."

"Yeah, but you and Carlie over there are just pussies. I'd expect her to make you sing it!" he complained.

"Watch it, kid." Carlisle muttered. "Just because you're in love with my daughter doesn't mean I won't rip your dick off right here, right now."

"There's still hope for children from Jasper!" Esme added as she grinned at Emmett evilly.

He gulped. "Rosie, new rule. Bella can't help Edward pick my song."

She laughed at him. "Sorry, honey. Now, get your tranny ass up there and sing like your heart can't take it!"

Again, everyone exploded in laughter as Emmett growled something and stalked to the stage.

_Fuck, he's worse than a little kid._ Flo groaned.

I know, Flo. He's our little tranny whiner!

Flo laughed at me as I leaned back in my seat, pleased at my work. I'd finally got Emmett on singing Rocky Horror. Life was good.

The music started and Emmett grabbed the microphone, then took a deep breath looking as if he wanted to kill himself… or me.

"_How d' you do, I  
__See you've met my  
__Faithful handyman  
__He's just brought down  
__Because when you knocked  
__He thought you were the candy man_

_Don't get strung out by the way I look  
__Don't judge a book by its cover  
__I'm not much of a man by the light of day  
__But by night I'm one hell of a lover  
__I'm just a sweet transvestite  
__From Transsexual, Transylvania."_

Everyone in the club was laughing and Edward and I were actually on the floor. No joke. Even Flo was rejoicing at this. And she hated Rocky Horror much more than Emmett. This night had turned out perfect. And then, to everyone's astonishment he walked off stage, still singing, and started giving Jasper a lap dance. Jasper and Rose nearly died. While Edward and I may as well have been buried in the floor.

"Oh, god!" Edward yelled as tears of mirth fell down his face. "Bella, that's perfect. I think I love you!"

And then we both froze for a moment staring at each other with wide eyes.

_Get it, girl! You have to get him to come home with you tonight!_ Flo whispered urgently. But, I ignored her, my eyes trained on Edward.

"I mean, I love the way you taste. No! I didn't mean that… well, I do, but not that – I meant, you picked the perfect song for Emmett." He stuttered and then blushed.

I blushed, too.

_BELLA! He just said he loves the way you taste. You definitely have to take him home with you and fuck him senseless… or let him fuck you senseless._ Flo encouraged in her deranged way.

Shut up, Flo. He didn't mean it like that! I yelled back mentally.

Before I could say anything back, Emmett had finished his song and was now walking back to us with a smug grin on his face.

"What's with the dazed look, Bella? Was I that amazing?" he grinned sarcastically.

"No, you jackass. You sucked. The best thing about your performance was the lap dance you gave Jasper. Now the whole club thinks you two are faggots!" I grinned sardonically.

"I beg to differ." Rose and Jasper said at the same time. I could guess which part they were commenting on.

"Aw, Jazzy. I know you're not gay." Little Alice said as she patted his chest.

"So, what's Edward going to sing?" Emmett asked at last. "Are you gonna make him sing rocky horror, too?"

"No. I'm going to go easy on him." I smiled.

"You know, just because it's my first time doesn't mean you've gotta be easy. You can make me as hard as you want – I mean, it! Make it as hard as you want." He started babbling and blushing again. I was definitely going to make this easy on him.

I leaned toward him and whispered the song in his ear seductively. I think Flo has the right frame of mind. He gulped and looked at me with wide eyes, then nodded and walked to the stage.

"_Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah  
__Roma-roma-ma-ma  
__Gaga ooh la la  
__Want your bad romance"_

And so it began. He did a very good Lady Gaga impression… minus the skin tight clothing. Although, that would look undoubtedly hot on him. It turned me on just thinking about it. Maybe it was the drinks talking…. Maybe he doesn't want to do that again.

_Are you fucking kidding me?! Have you seen the way he's been staring at you all night?_ Flo practically screamed.

No?

_Hungry. Lusty. As in "Fuck me, please and I'll die a happy man". Pretty much the way you've been looking at him subconsciously._

I sighed as I watched him sing and practically fuck the microphone stand. I was suddenly drawn in by the memories of our drunken sex that I still didn't remember and the morning after.

"So, you and my brother, eh?" Alice said suddenly sitting beside me.

"What?" I asked startled.

"I know you two have to hots for each other. The sexual tension could be cut with a knife between you two." She said as if it was the most natural thing in the world to talk about your brother's sex life.

"I…" I didn't have anything to say really. "It was just one time."

"Maybe, but it's quite obvious you both want it to happen again… and remember it this time."

My eyes widened. She knew?!

"Yes, I know all about it." She said as if reading my mind. "I was the one that made him go out that night and I saw you there and Jasper saw you and told me who you were but to not say anything to you or let you know we were there."

"Why?"

"He was playing matchmaker for you and Edward. Emmett and Rose's sole purpose was to get you laid. It was the same for us with Edward. Except when he first saw you, I knew exactly what he was thinking. And it didn't have anything to do with having sex with you… well mostly. We got enough drinks in him and then it took off. Luckily, for the two of you." She explained.

"So you all knew from the start that –" I was confused.

"That you were going to be there? No. It just happened, but I'm glad because Edward hasn't looked more relaxed in a long time. Two weeks ago, no one would've got him up there on the stage singing and having sex with a microphone like that." She nodded her head to the stage where all the girls were screaming at him like he was a sexy rockstar… which is exactly how he looked.

"Wow." I murmured to myself, surprised. "Does he know?" I asked her.

"About the impromptu set up? No. He didn't know that we knew who you were. I was almost surprised Jasper didn't freak since you two are so close." Her eyebrows rose up.

"Why would he? He knows me and how I am, if his demon sister hadn't beat him to it, he probably would've taken me out like that." I said. "You seem to know about past as it is. Why would that shock you?" I smiled slightly.

"Some guy thing, I guess." She laughed and waved her hand as if to dismiss her thought.

"I see you two are getting along. Should I be scared?" Edward laughed as he plopped down next to me and slung his arm over the back of my seat.

"Terrified." We said at the same time and then laughed.

"Bella, it's your turn!" Carlisle yelled. I looked at him expectantly – ready for him to unleash the torture I knew I had to face. "Your song is Everywhere I Go… and you have to change every 'Charlie Scene' to 'Bella Swan'." He laughed evilly.

I looked at Rose and gave her a look that said "make his embarrassing." She nodded and I was off to the stage. This was the part I always hated. Right when you step up on stage and everyone is looking at you waiting for you to suck or just embarrass yourself in some way.

The music started and I started bobbing my head lightly.

"_Everywhere I go  
__Bitches always know  
__That _Bella Swan_ had got a _pussy  
_That she loves to show  
__Everywhere I go  
__Bitches always know  
__That _Bella Swan _has got a _pussy  
_That she loves to show  
__  
Wake up, grab beer, grab rear  
__Shave beard, put on some scene gear  
__Gotta get drunk 'fore my mom wakes up  
__Break up with my girlfriend so I can bang sluts."_

And so it went as I continued rapping badly like the white girl I am and grinding on microphone stand much like Edward had been. I think I hated myself. Not only did this song make me sound like a whore, it made me sound like I was a lesbian, too…. No offense to lesbians or anything. I'm just saying… I mean, I'm just thinking. And why do I always feel like I'm offending someone when I'm only thinking it to myself? I don't know.

I think talking to myself is worse than talking to Flo.

_Hey! _She cried, offended.

Sorry. I'm just saying.

_And really, who thinks this much when they're singing! You could suddenly forget the words and not even realize you're talking to yourself! _Flo said.

I think that was a warning, so I started paying attention to the song which was almost finished and everyone at my table was screaming and cheering as I finished. Everyone else just looked shocked. Oh well. Sucks for them.

See, Flo, I'm great at multitasking.

_Yeah, yeah. Shut up!_ She replied.

"That was very interesting." Edward laughed tightly as I sat back down next to him.

I looked at him, confused by his actions. Was he okay? "Yeah, Carlisle thinks it's funny when I sing that song. Don't know why."

"I don't think funny is the word I'd use." He muttered.

"What word would you use, then?" I asked.

I vaguely heard Rose tell her father what song he was going to sing, but I didn't catch the name.

"Hot. Sexy." He grinned with lust in his eyes. "Something along those lines."

My eyebrows shot up.

_Good job, Bella. You made him hard without really trying… or realize what you were even doing! Bella: 1 Edward: 0. _She said mentally high-fiving me.

Seriously?

"Would you now?" I said trying to sound seductive. I don't think it worked.

He nodded with a slight smirk on his face.

"_I'm a Barbie girl in the Barbie world  
__Life in plastic, it's fantastic  
__You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere  
__Imagination, life is your creation."_

Carlisle sang in an unnaturally girly voice. If I hadn't been distracted, I would've been worried about him… while simultaneously laughing my ass off.

"_Make me walk, make me talk, do whatever you please  
__I can act like a star, I can beg on my knees."_

By this time, everyone except Edward and I were laughing to tears. Carlisle always got too much into it anyway.

Edward leaned forward slowly, keeping his eyes locked on mine and then his lips were on mine. He tasted of alcohol and velvet. It was like déjà vu. I knew I'd felt this before, but I couldn't remember it clearly. Flashes of the club earlier in the week played behind my eyes. Dancing. Drinking. Making out. And stumbling our way toward a cab while keeping our lips connected.

This was much better because I knew we'd both remember it tomorrow and for me, I'd remember it forever. His tongue poked out of his mouth and lightly traced the line between my lips, asking for me to open up. And then, as if it was a catalyst, we couldn't get enough of each other. Hair was pulled, clothing was rumpled and little moans that I hope no one but he heard left my mouth.

I had to pull away for a breath and his lips traveled down to my neck, sucking my soft flesh into his mouth as if he were a vampire deciding where his bite would be best. I think I'd even let him bite me if he wanted.

Flo was rejoicing in my mind, practically screaming in happiness. But, I couldn't complain. I was doing the same… and also attempting to make plans to bring him home with me and keep him forever. It wasn't working, though, since he kept distracting me with his lips being everywhere my skin was showing.

There were shouts and high0fives passed around our table and we pulled apart quickly and saw Carlisle flop down in his seat as he laughed joyously.

"You know, old man, I don't think a man should have that much fun singing that song. It's really bad for your manliness." Emmett said as Jasper announced Rose's song.

I missed what he said because Edward began trailing his lips from my ear to my collarbone.

Rose's song was much more seductive sounding as she moved slowly in place to the bass. Of course Jasper wouldn't give her an embarrassing song; he'd be too afraid of what she'd do to get him back when he least expected it. I swayed slowly side-to-side as Rose's voice sang out; the perfect imitation of Grace Slick.

"_One pill makes you larger  
__And one pill you small  
__And the ones that mother gives you  
__Don't do anything at all  
__Go ask Alice when she's ten feet tall."_

It was probably the greatest song any of us had done tonight, but that might be because of the feeling it gave me every time I listened to it. It had that certain sound to it that makes you feel high. But, then again, it was written in the sixties.

"Rose has a nice voice." Edward commented in my ear as he placed a small kiss underneath it.

"Mhm." I replied not being able to say much else.

"Where did she learn to sing seductively like that?" he asked as if he really didn't care.

"It's just the song, I think." I said. "Or maybe it's both the song and Rose."

He grunted something in return as everyone cheered at Rose as she walked back towards us. "Who's next?" she called.

No one seemed to notice me and Edward as Alice and Rose discussed what was next. For me, it was preferable that we leave… and very soon. Or else, I might combust.

"You know, if you want to be famous, we can form a band and call ourselves The Ladybugs. I'll be Paulette, you can be Georgina, Bella can be Regina, and Esme can be Jean." Rose said to Alice.

"What? You're going to copy-cat the Beatles? What's your hit song going to be? 'I am the Penguin'" Carlisle joked.

"Why does Bella get to be Ringo?" Esme complained. Everyone knew she had a thing for him.

"I think at this point in time, Bella doesn't care who she is. I think she's more worried about who she _does_." Emmett laughed.

"HEY! Get a room, you horn dogs! There are virgin eyes in the building." I think Jasper said loudly.

I groaned and blushed as Edward buried his face in my neck and started laughing. "Fine. We were about to leave anyway. We'll see you tomorrow." He pulled me up as I muttered a goodbye to everybody.

We hailed a cab and I gave my address as Edward's hands trailed across my body over clothing, under clothing. It felt heavenly. I honestly can't tell you anything about the ride to my apartment, except that because that's all I paid attention to. I tend to have a very one track mind when I'm drunk and horny. But, we were standing outside my door in no time as I fumbled with my keys to unlock the door hurriedly. I dropped them twice before Edward took them from me and opened the door swiftly.

_Showoff_, I thought to myself.

He pulled me in quickly and slammed the door shut behind us. And I was suddenly trapped between Edward's body and my door with his lips crushing mine. It was wonderful. I briefly wondered if it had happened anything like this the last time.

"Edward." I moaned as he ripped off my top and trailed his lips to the tops of my breasts.

He grunted something back at me that I didn't understand.

"Where's your bedroom?" he said as I torn into his shirt, his buttons flying across my living room.

I pointed in the general direction because my mouth was too busy nipping and licking down his chest. He picked me up, cutting off my exploration and my lips found his neck and bit down lightly as he walked to my room.

Once there, he set me down on the bed with his clothes that he let me borrow when I was at his house. I had been sleeping in them ever since.

"I see you still have my clothes." He chuckled.

"Yes." I breathed.

"I told you if something was meant to be, just sit back and let it happen." He whispered against my cheek.

"And it did." I whispered back.

"That it did."

We continued on with where we'd left off at my front door. And I'll tell you right now. Sex with Edward is so much better when you can remember it.

A couple of hours later, we lay sated and naked in my bed curled under my blankets with his arms around me and head on his chest listening to his heart beat.

"Hey!" I said suddenly remembering something.

"What is it?" he asked lazily, yet his eyes told just how alert he really was.

"Did you ever find my dress?"

He stared at me for a moment and then burst into laughter. I don't know what's so funny.

_You, dumbass. He's laughing at you!_ Flo murmured disdainfully.

Shut the fuck up, Flo. And leave me alone to my naked man in my bed.

* * *

**Whoo-hoo! It's finished:) I hope y'all liked it.**

**The songs:**

**Emmett's – Sweet Transvestite by Tim Curry (from The Rocky Horror Picture Show)  
****Edward's – Bad Romance by Lady GaGa  
****Bella's – Everywhere I Go by Hollywood Undead  
****Carlisle's – Barbie Girl by Aqua  
****Rosalie's – White Rabbit by Jefferson Airplane**

**All awesome songs (except Barbie Girl, I just thought it'd be funny for Carlisle to sing .) so if you've never listened to them, look them up:)  
****Laterzzzz.**

**.  
****SpunkyPeanut**


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